I periodically go through old emails to sort of clear out my inbox. Today, I came across some emails from five years ago. I've always been ambivalent about those years. There are so many stupid mistakes and awkward times. I had a huge crush on a boy in my neighborhood. Here is an email I sent to him called "not everything, but a lot":
"i don't like to read newspapers, because the ink always gets all over your hands. I still have that shells taped to cardboard thing you gave me because I think it's really cool. I'm not very patient, but i am very trusting. I love poetry and i love to write. I have a collection of Jones Soda bottles on my windowsill, because the pictures are really cool. I like incense. i like to read. i like the show "the office" because it reminds me of my brothers. my keyboard in my room is broken and i use it to put laundry on along with my closet floor, bed, drawers and shelf. i have a book called animals and their legal rights. and one i stole from my teacher called human conduct which i will never actually read, but i did start it. quite intriguing. i have about a thousand bruises on my legs from being hyper and rowdy and attacking people and falling all over the place."
It's crazy that so much can change and yet, not much is different at all. I'm coming to terms with this past self I've tried to forget for so long. I think she and I could be friends.